i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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