I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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