Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize