What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
