i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
