Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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