life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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