I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
