I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
