where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And then he peed in my hair
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
