thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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