i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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