i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
