What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
