ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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