Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
