when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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