So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
