I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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