No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
