You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
