i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
