I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
