You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
