dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
