I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
