Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
