i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
home. puking in laundry basket.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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