Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
