I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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