Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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