I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
