He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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