he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
