Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
