I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm too high and old for this...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
