You're earring is so big in my mouth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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