yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize