There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
