The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize