I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
