he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize