if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
