So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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