The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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