WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize