so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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