I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
