I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
