You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im holly from the hills drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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