just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
