I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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