it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
