that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
