I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
