im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
