My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
