I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
