It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Randomize
