you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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