imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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