If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
