You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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