ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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