Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
