Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
