i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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