Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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